November 5, 1995
Hi Baby! If you are a girl, you should know that your mother and I are trying to come up with alternatives to the tentative Jennifer Nicole moniker. We both like the name, so if that is your name, you should understand that, but, Jennifer is an awfully popular name, and, well, it's not fun being in a school class with 5 Jennifer's, so...we're thinking about it.
This weekend has been one of the nicer weekends that your mother and I have spent together. We had some friends over for dinner on Saturday, and that turned out really well. It was somewhat scary how much enjoyment I think we both got from straightening up the apartment and making the food together. We had a nice night by the fire afterwards, and all-in-all, it was a great day.
Sunday, as I'm sure you are aware, is big in the Fall. Both the Steelers and the Dolphins won, so, we're both happy. It will be interesting to see who you end up rooting for as you grow older, with your parents divided in their NFL allegiances.
Gave my father a phone call tonight, I hadn't talked to him in almost 2 months, and figured I might as will call and say hi. At this stage of the game, my mother and him are still finalizing their divorce, which has been dragging on for at least 7-8 years now. I'm at the point in my life where I don't hate my father for his actions and what he's done anymore, which I think is a good step in my development as a person. He made some very poor choices, and he has to live with what he's chosen for the rest of his days, and I think that's punishment enough. For example, while you are reading this, if you've met your grandfather more than a handful of times, I'd be shocked.
One of my major goals in my life is to *not* be like my father, to be better than him. I really can't think of one good parenting tool that my father had that I'd like to use with you. I'm really motivated to be the best father I can be, the kind of father that I think I never had.
Hopefully, in the next 10 years or so, there will be more research done to determine how much of alcoholism is genetic. I know that my father's father was an alcoholic, and my father was one to the point that he chose his drink above his family. The end result is that at the age of 26, I can say I've never been intoxicated. I have some very strong prejudices about alcohol, and drugs in general, and I'm sure if you've done any kind of experimentation, you know all about that by now.
To me, the most important thing that you, me, or anyone has, is your mind, and I honestly don't understand why anyone would want to purposely do something to impair, or even damage, theirs. I never have understood it, and probably never will. It seems to me to be some sort of 'escape' from the mundane life you normally lead, and I think that's a weakness.
My father has chosen to live a life of perpetual escape. And it's sad.
I wonder how much of my side of the family you'll have seen in the next 20 years, in one way or another, we've all been affected by my father's disease (I guess that's what the doctor's prefer to call it, a disease). My mother, for example, has spent so long worrying about money (because my father would drink all of his paychecks away) that now, 8 years after their separation, her entire life is determined by financial considerations. Which drives a lot of things we do in every day life, but, I think my mom has taken it to extremes.
Your Aunt, Melanie, told my father that "she never wanted to talk to him again". Which I guess is one way of handling that situation. She's better than me in social (drinking) situations, and I think has even been drunk before. But, it still hangs over her, I think, when it comes to dating and trusting, a man.
Well, enough for tonight. I'll write some more tomorrow. I love you, baby! By the way, you did kick a lot the other night, until you experience your own baby, there's no way I'll ever be able to explain to you the joy I get from that.
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